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Who Could Be the Next US Treasury Secretary? + Lee’s take on MAT, SBUX, WFMI, GM, F, LVS, WYNN, MGM, MO, RAI, STZ, TAP, MSFT, and DIS |
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InvestorsObserver
Featured
Contributor
Lee M. Allen
Now that President Elect Obama is busily building his team, I can only imagine how difficult it will be to fill all his cabinet positions and other important employment openings. The closest I have ever come to hiring anyone was when my wife and I were interviewing baby sitters for our kids. Her criterion was much more stringent than mine.
To help the Obama transition team, I would like to throw my name into the hat as a candidate for the Treasury Secretary of a new cabinet position of Grand Phooba Of All Taxes. I’m not sure where this hat is, so I guess I will have to count on enough of my loyal readers to send this article to Mr. Obama or his search team to get his attention.
With all the current spending initiatives, along with sorely needed health, education, infrastructure, and tasty fat-free donut research, new taxes will be the only way to even begin to cover the huge credit card bills expected in Washington.
No one likes the prospect of a bigger tax bill, but someone will need to pay for these essential programs. And who better to manage the key tax effort than someone like me? |
Obama cabinet candidates waiting
for interviews
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Read on for more of Lee’s unique insights into the US Tax structure
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After all the Presidential election debate about taxes, someone with my extensive tax experience is a must for this important position. Sure, I don’t have a Harvard M.B.A. or a degree in economics from the University of Chicago, but I have what might be called street smarts.
Hey Kid!
Don’t forget to pay your taxes on that cash
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And I have a lot of great ideas…
The Obama administration probably has many thousands of people to pick from now that most of those Wall Street office buildings have been emptied out by the recent economic turmoil and financial industry collapse. All I have to offer is a few new ideas and the hard-earned experience of paying taxes for as long as I could remember.
Yes, that first tax bill is still fresh in my mind. I was about six years old and it was my birthday. Grandma Allen had just given me a big hug and a white envelope that was pre-printed with the address for Commonwealth Edison. Along with the envelope, she gave me some of her golden advice, “Don’t tell your mom what’s in the envelope.”
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I thought birthdays were more for toys, so I reluctantly tore into the coffee-stained envelope and found a crisp new twenty-dollar bill. This was more money than I had ever seen in one place. To a kid like me, this was a fortune. I could buy ten pounds of candy and maybe even a car or two. I was a kid; I was thinking about Matchbox Cars made by Mattel (MAT). About five seconds later, my mom snatched the twenty from my hands and said, “You can’t just keep that money, Lee. This has to go to pay taxes.”
At that time, the tax on kids’ birthday money was 100%.
A love of all things taxes alone should not be enough to land me the Tax Czar position. Anyone being considered for this position should have some great ideas for new taxes to raise the cash to cover all that government spending needed to dig us all out of the financial mess.
These are desperate times… They are closing Starbucks (SBUX) stores and slowing down the expansion of Whole Foods (WFMI). General Motors (GM), Ford (F), and American International Group (AIG) are running out of money for executive bonuses. Yahoo! (YHOO) is laying off people. Even casinos like Las Vegas Sands (LVS), Wynn Resorts (WYNN), and MGM Mirage (MGM) are running into some hard times.
Now that the faucet is open, everyone seems to be in line for bailout money. The government needs more cash and fast -- more than they could possibly print without someone noticing.
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This should definitely be taxed like
cigarettes or booze
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And, as you know, I am full of great ideas. Here are a few new taxes that should help set me apart from the other people Obama may be considering for this all-important cabinet position…
Problem Solution
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Higher taxes on things I don’t use… As most people know, huge special taxes are levied against people who use cigarettes and booze. Why make the folks at Altria (MO), Reynolds (RAI), Constellation Brands (STZ), and Molson Coors (TAP) pay for all the new government programs? It’s no secret the people who use these products have been taxed about to death. And, in the case of cigarettes, they may be actually dying from using the product itself and no amount of taxes will slow them down. So I would institute a heavy tax on things like tofu, bran, and running shoes, and an extra-high tax on those bicycles and mopeds that have been making the roads a mess. And if that’s not enough, I think a $100 per club per year tax on all the clubs golfers own; $200 for those extra-big drivers and any putters that make pinging sounds. |
New transportation-related taxes… I’ve heard part of the next stimulus package will include more cash for roads, schools, and bridges to nowhere. Money could be raised for these with higher taxes on predatory tow trucks, parking tickets issued by municipalities, police radar speed checkers, first-class airline seats, and cars that drive in the carpool lane. Why should those of us without any friends with jobs have to be inconvenienced? Make those people in the carpool lane pay a few extra bucks for the privilege of getting to work a minute earlier. Or, even better, let people without passengers pay ten dollars each way if they want to drive in the carpool lanes. Think of all the money we could raise. Finally, for this category, airlines that make you pay for drinks should be taxed 95% of what they charge for the drinks. Maybe we’ll see the return of free water on passenger jets. If we were prisoners being transported on those flights and denied water, Amnesty International would put the airline on their “bad people” list and some famous rock band would probably have an annual concert in our benefit.
New entertainment taxes… Entertainment is discretionary spending, right? If you don’t want to pay the new tax, you can choose not to enjoy that kind of entertainment. Tall people who go to movies should be taxed. Movie theaters with ratty ripped seats, mysterious smells and bad popcorn should be taxed. People who root for losing sports teams should pay a tax. That’s right; at the beginning of each sports season every fan will need to register with the IRS for which teams they will root for. Then, after each game their team loses, they will get a bill from the IRS. At the bottom of the TV screen they could show the dollar amount each fan group will owe the IRS if their team loses. Radio stations that don’t play at least one Sinatra song an hour will pay a huge tax, also.
Miscellaneous new taxes… Lottery winnings should be taxed at a higher rate than regular income. Eighty-five percent of the winnings should go to the IRS. I never win anyway. Technology companies like Microsoft (MSFT) that don’t provide twenty-four hour toll-free customer support will pay a tax. Foreigners who come here clog up the lines at Disney (DIS) World should pay a sizable tax. All kids that go to ivy league schools should pay an extra tax. If they can afford the tuition, they can slip in an extra $20,000 a year to the IRS. That would be barely a blip on the total annual cost for some of these universities. |
Let’s send this guy a $5.5 million tax bill
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Nowhere in my list did I talk about increasing actual income taxes. That alone should keep Mr. Obama high in popularity polls for years to come. If you like my tax ideas, call your Congressman or e-mail Barack Obama. But my first priority will be to get rid of that 100% tax on kids’ birthday money.
If you have any great ideas for new taxes, you can e-mail me at LeeAllen@InvestorsObserver.com. I’ll email you my new contact information when I get the White House job.
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