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How to Fix the Nuclear Power Industry + Lee’s take on BBY, SHLD, AMZN, KR, C, T, IBM, DUK, SO, EIX, XEL, D, GE, DIS, SBUX, PG, UPS, SIX, and NWS |
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InvestorsObserver
Featured
Contributor
Lee M. Allen
When some of you were kids, there was what was known as fallout shelters. These were places everyone would go, in an orderly fashion, if there was a threat of someone, probably Russian, dropping a nuclear bomb on your town. Then, all of a sudden, all those fallout shelters were converted to other uses like storage for things like dial phones, black & white televisions, eight-track cassettes, and travel agents. Next, we were using nuclear material to generate electricity, warm our lakes, and redesign the genetic makeup of our fish and small reptiles.
Back when Albert Einstein invented this whole nuclear thing, he just wanted to use it to power his time machine that looked like a sports car. Little did he know he would also spawn a nuclear arms race and, conveniently, the simultaneous nuclear power generation race.
We all want electricity to power the essential gadgets and appliances we get from Best Buy (BBY), Sears (SHLD), and Amazon (AMZN), but we really don’t want to think about where this electricity stuff comes from. Sort of like the sausage you might buy down at your Kroger (KR) store. We like to eat bratwurst, but just don’t tell us what’s actually in it.
You can have a Bratwurst-free diet, but it would be difficult to live without electricity. So maybe it’s better to just not think about where it comes from. But what fun would that be? |
The future home of
Six Flags Red Hot Nuclear City theme park
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Read on for more of Lee’s insights into how to fix the nuclear power industry…
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Nuclear power has so many ancillary benefits besides being a low-cost way to generate power without using oil or coal and placing huge amounts of nasty carbon into the atmosphere. Higher employment, lower electric bills, less dependence on foreign oil, awesome architecture, and new jobs for “semi-retired-but-still-recognizable” films stars, just to name a few…
The newest Southern Illinois vacation destination:
White Hot Casino and Spa --
The largest steam room in the free world
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Power plants employ large numbers of people to design, build and operate them. Not to mention the armies of yellow hazard-suited people needed to clean things up if someone pushes a wrong button or the basement develops a small leak. Employment seems to be a hot subject lately. Just think if those smart guys in Washington decided to double the number of nuclear power plants over the next three years. We might have to import more workers to fill all the jobs.
Wouldn’t it be nice not to see a surcharge on your electric bill when oil prices go up because some Saudi sheik wants to make up for his losses on a bad Citigroup (C) investment? When you go nuclear, if power demand goes up they just push some “make more power” button and like magic that nuclear stuff makes a high pitched whining noise and more power is pushed out of the building. Sure, some annoyed Scottish guy down in the plant’s basement is yelling, “I canna make it go any faster, Captain!” But he’s always complaining about something, so who pays attention to him, anyway?
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Most public and corporate buildings try to make bold architectural statements or add to the cultural landscape in some way. Think about the buildings erected by A T & T (T), International Business Machines (IBM), or the Guggenheim Museum; all fine works of art at some level. But these nuclear power plant companies are not out to impress anyone. They go for bare-bones building construction with your basic five-foot-thick concrete walls. The more creative companies will dress things up with a few of those rotating changing-color spotlights that are mostly seen at Christmastime illuminating silver trees imported from and manufactured in countries that do not celebrate Christmas.
Utility company stocks have long been the exclusive domain of the most conservative investors. Reliable stock prices and consistent dividends were always important to retirees looking for income to make their leisure years more comfortable. Well, after the last fourteen months in the market, an informal poll done while waiting in a 7-Eleven checkout line indicates that all of us have suddenly become ultra conservative investors.
Stocks like Duke Energy (DUK), Southern Company (SO), Edison International (EIX), Xcel Energy (XEL), and Dominion Resources (D) all pay nice solid dividends, while other companies like General Electric (GE), who have conveniently included the word “electric” in their names, have cut dividends. |
Another uranium delivery on the way
to a Pakistani nuclear power plant.
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Some companies like Disney (DIS), Starbucks (SBUX) and Proctor & Gamble (PG) give shareholders perks like theme park discounts, coffee cards, and deodorant coupons. Unfortunately, these electric utility companies can’t hand out perks. It’s hard to package up electricity and send it out to shareholders in a box via United Parcel Service (UPS).
Free cup from nuclear power plant tour.
Not microwaveable or dishwasher safe.
Keep away from small children and pets.
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Maybe the answer to this little electric-utility-shareholder-perk problem is for one of these power generation conglomerates to buy the ailing Six Flags (SIX) theme park operator. Not only could they use park tickets as a shareholder enticement, but they would probably never have to buy additional property for new parks. They could just build roller coasters, water rides, and Ferris wheels around their current nuclear power plants. They could throw in plant tours as a new attraction. Everyone would go home with a coffee cup that glows in the dark (and the light). What a great way to get rid of that spent nuclear fuel. Your coffee will never get cold again. Don’t worry about nuclear contamination; the nuclear waste is safely sealed in ceramic material. Just don’t drop the cup or you might evaporate your entire neighborhood. And don’t even think about putting those cups in the microwave or dishwasher. |
When most of us pick up our local newspaper (assuming you still have an actual printed-on-paper newspaper in your area) and read how a brand new nuclear power plant is about to break ground just down the block, some of us shudder. The scary what-ifs start swirling in your head, but try to be positive. Think about a discounted or free annual pass to the new Six Flags “Red Hot Nuclear City” theme park. If more of these nuclear power companies did that or had a Dairy Queen with unlimited free treats for the locals, communities would start fighting over who should get the next nuclear power plant in their town.
The whole opposition to a nuclear power plant in your backyard is probably the result of bad public relations. The people who run these companies are engineers after all. They don’t really need to worry about marketing since people use what they are selling without needing to be sold. When was the last time you got a call during dinner where the pitch person said something like, “We have a great deal on electricity and we are having a special seminar in your area to tell you all about it. We will be giving everyone who attends a steak dinner and a set of all-weather tires. But your spouse must accompany you to the meeting.” It doesn’t happen. These power generation utility guys don’t know how
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Miss Nuclear Power 2009
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to sell. And they don’t seem to do any public relations unless it’s because some island somewhere was deemed uninhabitable for 532 years because an overtired janitor named “Zeke” left some pesky valve open… for the last week. Or maybe a month or two.
These power plant operators need to be more proactive with their public relations efforts. They need a Miss Nuclear Power Pageant. They should sponsor school science fairs. Maybe even do something like start a catchy campaign, “Say Yes To Nuclear Power.”
Steven Seagal
The man who can save the nuclear power industry… And teach them about men’s fashion
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The key element they may be missing is a celebrity spokesperson. If you do the math, you will probably find that these power companies have about a bazillion times more money than Hollywood film companies like Fox (NWS), Disney (DIS), or Universal. These power companies can afford to buy some semi-retired-but-still-recognizable star like Harrison Ford, Angelina Jolie, Kevin Spacey, Adam Sandler, Jim Carry, Sylvester Stallone or best of all… Steven Seagal of “Above the Law”, “Under Siege” and “Pistol Whipped” fame.
That’s right; if these nuclear power companies were smart, they would put Steven Seagal in print ads, posters, on television, and radio… “You think you know everything? Well, I can tell you a thing or two about kicking butt, men’s fashion choices, and nuclear power.”
If Steven Seagal doesn’t work out for them, maybe an Albert Einstein look-alike who can sing and dance might help.
If you have any ideas on what to do with spent nuclear fuel and it doesn’t involve putting it on a boat and sending it to Bermuda, please e-mail me at LeeAllen@InvestorsObserver.com. |
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